I was sooooo excited about my second cycle. I couldn’t sleep or wait to already do it because I knew it would happen. It was final the day to start. I did everything that was needed and it still didn’t work. Here is a little letter I wrote to myself the day I found out.

“I don’t know why god gave me life.

Why am I alive today?

I can’t even produce a child in this world.

I have a wonderful husband and a great relationship.

Why can’t I continue that and bring a child into this world.

I don’t understand why

Why does god hate me so much?

Why can’t he see I will be wonderful mother?

Why can’t he bless me with a child?

Am I a really bad person?

Did I do something wrong to deserve this?

Was it because I had two abortions? Yes, it was wrong what I did but it was done for a reason.

I was too young to be a mother and I wanted to give my children a better life.

I just don’t understand.

I’m healthy and young.

Why does this happen to me?

Why can’t I be a mother? Why why why ………..

I don’t get it.

I’m just not understanding “.